Well, it's that time of year again, and, living in the most romantic city in the world, it's hard to escape the passion that hits everyone on Valentine's day. As I galavanted through the Jardin des Plantes this afternoon (that's French for "Dwarf Sex Village") whilst being serenaded by a group of 12 melancholy gypsies each playing a ukelele, I happened upon this statue
of a man killing a bear with his bare (bear? hahaha) hands and was completely taken over by a powerful lust unlike anything I've ever felt before. Fortunately, I found myself in Paris' little people red light district so my sexual fervor was quickly assuaged for the right price in a way that can only be described by the commemorative photo that was sold to me for a reasonable price by a remarkably friendly madam. It wasn't a very productive Valentine's for me, but the emotions I've felt have been unique, I hope perchance I can experience them again while watching George Lopez as Alphonso in Valentine's Day, a movie written by a woman whose few other writing credits include The Prince and Me 2, 49 episodes of "Army Wives", and 1 phenomenal episode of "Xena: Warrior Princess."