Sunday, February 14, 2010

Happy Valentine's Day So Deal With It Motherfuckers!

It's February 14th, WHO WANTS TO FUCK THIS?

Well, it's that time of year again, and, living in the most romantic city in the world, it's hard to escape the passion that hits everyone on Valentine's day. As I galavanted through the Jardin des Plantes this afternoon (that's French for "Dwarf Sex Village") whilst being serenaded by a group of 12 melancholy gypsies each playing a ukelele, I happened upon this statue

of a man killing a bear with his bare (bear? hahaha) hands and was completely taken over by a powerful lust unlike anything I've ever felt before. Fortunately, I found myself in Paris' little people red light district so my sexual fervor was quickly assuaged for the right price in a way that can only be described by the commemorative photo that was sold to me for a reasonable price by a remarkably friendly madam. It wasn't a very productive Valentine's for me, but the emotions I've felt have been unique, I hope perchance I can experience them again while watching George Lopez as Alphonso in Valentine's Day, a movie written by a woman whose few other writing credits include The Prince and Me 2, 49 episodes of "Army Wives", and 1 phenomenal episode of "Xena: Warrior Princess."

Could this be the romance I've been looking for?

No comments:

Post a Comment